Payment
by krissy108
Summary: Angel feels completely at fault for Buffy's death. But do the dead ever just 'stay dead' in Sunnydale?


**Angels POV. His thoughts while walking in the grave yard.**

**I'm constantly surrounded by your memory. It overwhelms me, drounds me.**

**I see your smile, haunting me in my dreams.**

**I see your eyes staring down at me overhead.**

**I ****recognize**** your sent in the air when I know your not around.**

**I see you on the street, even run to you...but I know it can never be.**

**Even now I hear the whisper of your voice, carried to me on the wind.**

**The feel of cold wet tears on my cheeks startles me, I realize I haven't cried yet.**

**I couldn't let myself cry before, with all their eyes on me that night...I just couldn't let go.**

**I still remember the glances they shot me, they wondered how I could show my face.**

**I remember the sight of you lying there..so still, surrounded by flowers, that memory hurts more than words can express.**

**Seeing the reflections of your life long friends on the black metal as they lowered you down, down into the ground, sends shivers down my spine.**

**I could have been there to save you, but my stupid pride kept me from picking up the phone, from driving to get to you.**

**Until now I was able to block out that day, but today I welcome it... because today's your birthday.**

**The roses in my hand can't begin to ****compensate**** for all that you deserve today, you deserve your life back, but as hard as I've tried I can't give you that.**

**You deserve peace, to know that you did it, that you saved the world that day..but I can't give you that.**

**Seeing your name etched into stone...**_**Buffy Ann Summers**_**...makes it real somehow, knowing theres no going back. This is how it all ends.**

**Its only been four years but it feels like a life time.**

**Buffy's POV**

**Seeing him huntched over the ground, staring down at the hole that I onced called home sent an unexpected smile to my face.**

**I like knowing his still here, ****still mouping**** around regreting what he did. **_**Hey**_** ...don't think he doesn't deserve to live in sadness for a while, **_**he let me die**_

**He knew just the thing that I needed, and what did he do when I asked for help ? **

**He turned me away cold. **

**Ohh he regrets it now, but I **_**died**_

**Its only been four years, not nearly enough time has passed for me to help HIM, for me to end HIS ****suffering. **

**Knowing that I don't spend my nights six feet under his feet would give him a comfort he doesn't deserve. **

**I called him that night, before the battle. All I needed was a simple answer from him. I could hear the anger in his voice when he said hello, I must have ****enterupted ****something important. He spoke in anger that night as I asked him for his help, anger drove him to say those things ..I know...But he still said them and now he's paying for it.**

**How me waking up in that casket suddenly **_**'not so dead',**_** came about, I don't think I'll ever know. But I thank my lucky stars every night. **

**I can remember feeling sufficated, waking up in a ****coffin and ****not my bed..it took a minute for things to sink in, for me to remember what happened the night before. **

**The battle is still a bit hazy even now, but the one thing I'll never forget: the warm blood spilling down my chest from what I knew without a glance down was a gapping wound, the feel of wind rushing through my hair as I my ****body sailed**** down hitting the cold ground, the blood leaving me at an alarming rate. I lay there minutes before death finally took me, staring up at the stars, I remember how beautiful they were that night. Perfection.**

**If you'd told me three years ago that Angel could have saved me from that night, but **_**refuised **_**to help me, I would have laughed in your face. But now I know truth.**

**Everyday I miss him, I miss how great life use to be. **

**I miss waking up and actually being glad to start another day.**

**I miss feeling the beat of my heart in my chest. **

**I miss the warmth of my skin. **

**I miss being held by him, feeling his arms around me. They brought me comfort when nothing else could...I miss that.**

**Something makes me want to reach out to him now to end his pain.**

**Then maybe he can help me end mine, give ****me**** a little peace. But he deserves to suffer this way. **

**But who am I to hand out punishment anyway?**

**I'm circling now, waiting for him to recognize my presence **_**at least**_**. His head turns up to look at me, I can see the wearyness in his eyes-- something I wasen't expecting--the sorrow...trying to break my consentration, trying to soften my heart. Before he can ****weaken**** my resolve I have to stand my ground.**

**"Surprised?" Buffy spoke with no contempt as she sat down in front of him on the ground at her 'would-be-grave'.**

**"Not really...I must be dreaming, this can't really happen anyway, so I'm going to keep a level head about this." Angel spoke his gaze never leaving Buffy's face, as she moved to set Indian-style in front of him.**

**" You can believe whatever you want..I don't care much," Buffy lied. As the ****awkwardness grew between them Buffy felt compled to speak.**

**" How could you?" Buffy's voice gave away her heartache.**

**"I never thought it would end this way...I reacted in anger Buffy...If I'd known it was this important I would have came I swear it." Angel said keeping his cool as Buffy broke apart.**

**" Was I never that important to you? Is that what your saying?" Buffy spat at Angel obviously hurt by his words.**

**"Don't ever think you weren't important to me. You were my world Buffy." Angel bowed his head staring at the ground. "But this isn't you, I've spend a year dreaming about...about this exact same moment. This is just another dream." Angel spoke into his chest, his tears finally spilling over.**

**" What happens next in this dream." Buffy whispered rising to her knees inching closer to Angel. Covering the distance between them, kneeing over the grave that she once ****ocupide**

**" I try to hold you, but you disappear. It's never you." Angel murmured looking into Buffy's eyes as she looked down on him, her tear filled eyes matching his own.**

**"I'm not going anywhere Angel." She said lefting a hand to his ceek, to her surprise she felt his arms curl around her..finally she was back where she belonged...for just a moment.**

**"Buffy...How?" He breathed the sent of her hair, because this could be his last chance. Then realization finally stricking him he pulled back to stare into her eyes begging for the truth.**

**" I'm not sure Angel... just be content with things the way they are. Here and Now. You and Me." Buffy said, all her anger and hate for Angel melting away as his arms enveloped her.**


End file.
